Log in

No account? Create an account

do you think about me now and then...

Jul. 6th, 2010 | 11:54 pm
mood: blankblank
music: Kanye West - Homecoming

I don't know... I sometimes miss you so much. I almost cry at times.


Link | Leave a comment |

she said that's the difference between us...

Apr. 24th, 2010 | 03:07 am
mood: scaredscared
music: The Flaming Lips - Convinced of the Hex

I hate lightning. I wish you were here to come hold me. Seriously.


Link | Leave a comment |

accept the grace, the moment you are in...

Apr. 20th, 2010 | 01:24 am
mood: lovedloved
music: The Smashing Pumpkins - Widow Wake My MInd

Before I go to bed, I must jot this down.

I have heard the idea that people do stupid, selfish, destructive things and indulge in those behaviors because they are lonely. Because they feel alone. I am reading, "Searching For God Know What" by Donald Miller and he writes really well. His communication skills with me are top notch. He admits to a lot of his fallacies and rough times... this I can relate to. And even though I know I'm not the only one going through struggles in life, it's just encouraging to know that someone is running the same race as me.

Anyway, here's a quote from him talking about the Benedictine monks who read study the Bible late at night via candles. I thought it was totally awesome!

"I think there would be something quite beautiful about reading the Bible this way, to be honest-late at night, feeling through words, sorting through the grit and beauty. It wouldn't bother me at all to read the Bible without charts and lists because a person could read the Bible, not to become smart, but rather to feel that they are not alone, that somebody understands them and loves them enough to speak to them-on purpose-in a way that makes a person feel human."

This comes from the chapter about how Donald likes to really admire how God communicates to us. Moses apparently likes to write in parallelism via poetry, much like a musical that breaks out into song, in order to reiterate an idea and express feelings that straight up can't be explained through statements. Beautiful. All of it!

Good night good people. =)


Link | Leave a comment |

i'll lay you down in a clover bed...

Apr. 19th, 2010 | 09:49 pm
mood: curiouscurious
music: The Decemberists - The Hazards of Love 2 (Wager All)

Since this is on my mind, I must write it...

After talking to other womens in my life, in attempt to pursue some kind of a relationship, I realize I get very little excitement from it. I am not nearly as excited to get a txt, comment on a Facebook status, or whatever. They are all nice girlies, but none that really do anything for me. This wasn't the case with Laura. I will know that I will be getting closer to the right woman when that feeling comes around again. But for now, it lays dormant. I am content with this. I'd rather give my heart to someone who wants my heart and someone who deserves my heart. *nods*


Link | Leave a comment |

annan water, oh hear my true love's call...

Apr. 19th, 2010 | 12:48 pm
mood: contemplativecontemplative
music: The Decemberists - Annan Water

3 more weeks. How crazy is that. I am so pumped! I'm going to have a Bachelor's of Music! A piece of paper that says I am awesome! But at the same time it's also a piece of paper that says, "Survived school and paid stupid money to go. Good luck finding a job." It's all good. My parents are really proud of me and that's all that really matters to me. Honestly, I am very happy and excited, but seriously, this one is for my parents.

I must say that I am on a journey of cleaning up my life. It's never been entirely clean, but I have allowed some bad habits to creep in this semester. For instance, smoking while going to the Heorot with Eric. I don't even know why I allowed myself to do it. Stupid things that I allow the material world influence me. But I am done with that. I never got addicted and never got the urge to really smoke, it was just something to do. Pretty dumb. I am over it though and it's out of my life.

I have been working out lately like I have said before. The reality of Cedar Point is coming up and I am not sure I am going to make the cut for getting on the Millenium Force or Top Thrill Dragster. If I don't, that's okay! I am still going to have an awesome time at Cedar Point and I am still going to feel good about losing the weight.

I haven't been really in the Word lately or keeping up with any type of spiritual reading. I haven't felt entirely fulfilled with life lately, and I would say that is a reason. It's crazy how great you can really feel after spending time with God and accepting His love for us. He loved us first! 1 John 4:19 MSG, "We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first."

Which makes me question if my decision of not talking to Laura anymore was the right decision. I feel at times no because we are taught to love and not give up. Jesus always loved, and He never gave up on us. However, I get nothing out of her. I can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. I will say that I am not the best evangelist and never will be and that I probably screwed everything up between us as far as friendship and spiritual life goes. For that, I am forever sorry and that is one thing I regret. But seeing her associate herself with the people she does, what am I supposed to do? How do I communicate? And that is one thing I have discussed with some other friends about that really care about her too. We find it sad that she has really gone that route. I'm not saying that I am the best human being on this planet, but that's a whole other issue.

I will say that I haven't given up on her though. I pray EVERY NIGHT for her. I really do. And as much as I don't want to or am too stubborn or upset, I do, because I care. I know that God has something awesome in store for her. I can't do anything because I am human and I am an idiot. I have to hand this one over to God. And it's funny, she was the one that really got it through my head that it's God that is going to do the work, not me... I still smile about things that remind me of her.

Anyway, I think I am going to get some lunch and then head to work.


Link | Leave a comment |

and i want this night...

Apr. 14th, 2010 | 01:57 am
mood: peacefulpeaceful
music: The Decemberists - The Wanting Comes in Waves (Reprise)

Been listening to a lot of "The Hazards of Love" by The Decemberists lately. I can't believe it has taken me this long to really listen to it. Guess it was at a crappy point in my life that I first heard of it and always had negative associations. But now that I am over that, it's lovely. I am so inspired by it that I am going to get Pastor Dale to write a rock opera with me this summer.

I have come to so many realizations as of lately that have really helped me move on. It's funny how you can blind your vision and cover your heart in calluses because of what you want to be rather than what is. (that is a poorly worded sentence) But seriously, it's taken me so long to realize that I have been hung up on someone who doesn't even exist anymore. I guess I've known it for awhile, but it's taken friends and time for it to sink in.

We are two worlds apart and our friends both agree. I had great conversations with my friends at our sushi dinner about it tonight. But I will keep their opinions and thoughts to myself. Just know that what was said really helped me realize and understand that I am in an awesome position in life and that letting go of it all is so much easier with their opinions. Doubleplusgood.

On a side note, website is going well, album is going well, recording project is going well. I am on track to finishing and this makes excited.

Heading home on Saturday for Sirk's wedding, and then I am on the homestretch.

I have been losing weight again lately. It took nice weather to get me out and running again. Losing the winter weight that I put on. =)

Okay, that's all.


Link | Leave a comment |

there's a place, a gemini dream...

Apr. 7th, 2010 | 11:56 pm
mood: cheerfulcheerful
music: Moody Blues - Gemini Dreams

I have a guilty pleasure of liking 80s New Wave Rock. This Moody Blues song is a great example of it. This was the first rock concert I ever went to. I think I was like 7 or 8 and my parents took my brother and I to the Allen County War Memorial Coliseum to see them. They always had a few songs that I really liked. My Dad is in love with them.

Anyway, life is going great to be honest. Overall, everything is falling into place and things are looking great. I really need to get a few things under control, but other than that, I am money!

Pastor Dale and Marie are back in New Haven. That makes me happy, but it also sucks that their gig in Romulus didn't work out. But on a side note, Dale has offered me a place to stay for the summer until I leave for Korea. I really want to stay there, but I need to talk to my Mom about it. I don't think she'll have an issue with it, but I want to talk it over with her. Pastor Dale and Marie are trying to get back on their feet and after talking to Dale, he thinks that it would help them out. Plus Dale and I can play music all day long and write!

South Korea has been moved to July. My Dad wants to take me to Arizona in June and Trevor wants me to chaperon a senior high youth group trip to Cedar Point in mid June. So that's pretty exciting.

I am planning a road trip after graduation in May. My goal is to head to Elkhart to visit Adam Sharp, an old interim youth pastor from New Horizons. Catch up with him, possibly hang out with my friend Rachel that lives up there. Then I want to head to Northville, MI to hang out with my Grandma and see how she's doing. While in Northville, I'd like to visit old childhood friend of mine that I found on Facebook. Grandma and Grandpa babysat her and her little sister while growing up and we used to hang out and play whenever I would visit. So I found her on Facebook and we are going to have an awkward time together! Then I'd like to head to Flint, MI to visit Aaron and hang out with him. Then I'd like to head to Port Huron to visit Pastor Dan and see how he's doing. Then head back.

Trying to get my spiritual life back in gear. There has been a lacking since late February. How can I expect to hear from God if I'm not talking to Him? Hiding from God has always been an easy way out for me. Believing in man and my false realities is so much more of a convenience. When dealing with truth that is bigger than myself, it causes me to fear and tremble and leads me to material comforts. I like to lean on the structures of life that are unstable. Someday I will be able to lean entirely on God and I will be free once and for all. I am excited for that day. =)

Bed time. I love you friends.


Link | Leave a comment |

althought i'm selfish to a fault...

Apr. 6th, 2010 | 08:52 am
mood: awakeawake
music: The Smashing Pumpkins - The Crying Tree of Mercury

Had a really good weekend with the family.

Friday I went back to Fort Dubb and had lunch with Trevor, Courtney, and Brent. Courtney paid for all of us! She's pretty awesome and I am so glad Trevor and her got married. Trevor, Brent, and I went back to Trevor's house to hang around. We called some peepz up and got a pickup game of Ultimate started in about an hour and a half. I only had a chance to play for like 15-20 minutes because I was heading out to dinner with Andy, Rachel, and Mommy.

We had Chinese for dinner and then Chad came over to hang out. It had been awhile since I had seen him. We went to Wal Mart to run a few errands and then we got our board game on! Hadn't played Settlers of Catan in awhile either. Sooooo much fun!

Saturday was church breakfast with Dad, Coney Island with Andy and Rachel. We went to Dad's for dinner and gave Mia and Cooper a chance to go outside and run. Cooper is such a sally! He's so passive! Mia will take all of his toys and show him who's boss, and he just lets her walk all over him. It's okay. I still love Cooper!

We went to the Komets game later that night. They played Port Huron who has LARRY STERLING on the roster. What a thug! But it's great because Fort Wayne fans just heckle the crap out of him and start chanting his name! It's soooooooooooooooooooooo funny.

After the game Andy, Rachel, and I went bowling. Hadn't gone in awhile and it was a real fun time! We of course had to use Big Lebowski character names. I was Walter, Andy was Donny, Rachel was Maude. It was really good.

Sunday I had to drive back to Muncie to run sound at church. I kinda zoned out a bit at church since I was so tired, but I did grab some key points that I wrote down that really moved me. That will probably be in a post later tonight.

I should go get ready for the day and then work on some music. *nods*


Link | Leave a comment |

the sound they made was love...

Apr. 2nd, 2010 | 01:22 am
mood: jubilantjubilant
music: The Flaming Lips - A Spoonful Weighs A Ton

The Flaming Lips in 3 weeks? I am seriously so stoked about this. Why? Because it is so unknown to me. Even though I saw Nine Inch Nails play their last shows in Chicago, this is different because I knew what to expect with Nine Inch Nails. From YouTube videos and pictures, I have an idea, but I also have no clue. The unknown is very exciting to me. I think that's what really gets me going in life.

On that note, I should clarify something. Whenever I write and I am in an "emo" state. It's only for a short time. Trust me, even though I can sound really depressed. I'm actually not. I wouldn't say so the least bit either. I have my moments, but they rarely last long enough to affect me. This is me. I am such an optimist in life. Come on! When have I ever really been entirely pissed off or sad?! Okay, maybe more so than probably my past 6 or 7 years, but seriously. When you think Trevor Frohberg, I don't see a mopey kid, and neither should you! Come on. Seriously, I am friends with pretty much everyone! I hate to boast, but who doesn't like me? =p

So, I must say that going to the Heorot with Eric has been very comforting to me this entire semester, in a very hetero, uplifting, positive way. We had discussions about our love lives and those always go over well. Eric wasn't content with his g/f, but I was very content with Laura. I told him, and I still tell myself sometimes, "Will I ever find someone who suits me better than she will? She was pretty much perfect for me." His reply was something along the lines of, "You can't really understand the unknown or even begin to try and comprehend it logically. Why? Because you just can't. It's like trying to understand an alien race that doesn't eat or use fuels on their ships. We can't relate to that because we don't know a life without food or fuel for our vehicles, so how can you ever comprehend someone you have never met." It was so reassuring and probably one of the best talks that I have had in awhile.

Then today, I had a talk with Madelin about Laura. I think we were talking about how her and her b/f got into an argument. Then we started talking about how I haven't spoken to Laura in almost 5 weeks. I told her how hard it was and how sometimes I just wanted to cave in, but I know I just can't. I told Madelin that I liked her too much and that I just hoped she was doing great. I told Madelin that we had to change subject because I was about to cry. She looked at me and said, "It's good to see that you still really care about her." I was a bit puzzled, but I realized that I had never thought about this whole situation like that. A bit warming to my heart. *nods*

And lastly, I talked to my Mommy on the phone tonight. She added my friend Courtney on Facebook. She thinks she's really cute and that her personality is really fun. I called my Mommy last night at InterVarsity and then gave Courtney my phone so she could talk to my Mommy. It was so funny how well they played off of each other. But anyway, I told my Mommy about how much I missed Laura. She replied, "I know you do. I miss her lots too. I miss her spunk and her peppiness. But, from reading her Facebook statuses, she seems very confused with life. Maybe she's not, but getting back with her anytime soon would be a mistake. She needs to find direction in life." This felt reassuring to me as well. I love my Mommy.

My next post is going to be after I see all of my peepz from Fort Dubb! I am so excited to see them. It's not that I miss them. I mean, I do of course, but I don't feel that need to really be there with them. Plus, it's so refreshing to see friends that you haven't seen in awhile. I really enjoy that aspect of college. =)


Link | Leave a comment |

suddenly there wasn't any shine left in your sunshine, you're turning off your love...

Mar. 30th, 2010 | 12:11 am
mood: rejuvenatedrejuvenated
music: Faultline feat. Flaming Lips - The Colossal Gray Sunshine (Paul Oakenfold Remix)

Um, this song is amazing. A DJ + Flaming Lips = great and then all of a sudden Paul Oakenfold does a remix of it? Wondrous!

Speaking of wondrous! Last night we had a Passover dinner with our small group. It was so neat! We talked about all of the tradition behind everything and why we were doing the rituals we were doing. We had really good fellowship with our small group. Brian and Catherine are hilarious! It's crazy what food can do for people in a larger setting and starting conversation. The meal was delicious too! Seemed very healthy.

Following that, I get probably one of the most uplifting texts I had ever gotten. Dani sent me a lot of encouragement and love last night and it was something that I needed to help push forward and not relapse. It's so remarkable how God really works in your life when you allow Him to. I still love how we met each other and how God placed her in my life with perfect timing.

On that note, I am very thankful for everything given to me and what I have been allowed to do and experience. This life has been so wonderful. Even during the hard parts when I feel I can't move forward, I have to look up and stop being so freaking selfish. The world doesn't revolve around me and there's much more out there than chasing a girl who doesn't love you anymore. =)


Link | Leave a comment |